


A Lifetime Ahead of Us

by banditsolace



Series: Mono no aware [4]
Category: Thai Actor RPF, TharnType the Series (TV), เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Shot, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:03:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24537439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banditsolace/pseuds/banditsolace
Summary: Sequel to Of Shared Drinks and Feelings | Mew POV
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Series: Mono no aware [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022497
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	A Lifetime Ahead of Us

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write a sequel to the other one shot but after listening to Ben&Ben’s Lifetime, I was sure this is how I wanted it to end.

He couldn’t believe himself. He couldn’t believe how awfully coward he was—he is. He couldn’t believe that despite his feelings and his thoughts and his actions, he cowardly let go of the man he truly ever loved. The one man he truly ever wanted to cherish and to have in his arms.

“If only I knew that loving you was this painful I wish I hadn’t love you instead.”

The words resounded inside his head. It hurt but it didn’t matter because he realised, he could’ve been hurting more. What’s the use of wallowing now when he could’ve had said that he loved him too, maybe just as much as he loved him. 

“You seemed a little nervous today.”  
He tried to break the ice as the younger man looked up from his phone to look at him; the truth is he was the one who was nervous. Gulf smiled at him but he noticed it wasn’t the smile that truly reached his eyes.  
“Not really.” Gulf shook his head just a little. “Endorsing this bakery was fun, no? I was happy we got to make some drinks. Thankfully we’re going to meet the fans today via a live broadcast.”  
He sat beside him, wanting to close the distance as much as possible, like he used to.  
Ever since they started acting together for TharnType series, they’re basically stuck to each other like a glue. For all the promotional events that they’ve done, they did it together. And he’s grateful for all the opportunity just to get close to the younger man.  
“Great. I agree with you. The situation we’re currently experiencing is unfortunate but I’m glad we get to meet the fans even if it’s virtually.”  
The younger man nodded but didn’t say anything else. It broke him a little because he always wanted to talk to him more, get to know him a little better but he was always lost for words; he couldn’t approach the man he has feelings for.  
Without cameras, without people watching, they’re just two people with the same job that has forced them to be together physically. The sad truth is, Gulf is a such wonderful actor with so much potential and with opportunities in the future. Who is he to hinder him of such future?  
“Okay. Are you guys ready for the live? We announced the schedule but it’s a little past the time already.”  
Mew extended his hand to Gulf to lead him. Maybe just this time he can show how much he means to him.  
——  
“Thank you Mew and Gulf. That’s a wrap everyone!”  
Mew went around to thank everyone to express his heartfelt gratitude. He then noticed that Gulf has left. The other man left? But he has to take him home both for selfish and selfless reasons. He saw him walking fast out the door that he hurriedly said his thanks and went to catch up with the other.  
“Hey.”  
He tried to catch up by touching the other’s shoulder. While carching his breath he said, “I thought we agreed to go home together today?”  
Gulf stayed still, not saying anything.  
“Look, I promised your Mom I would. Besides, my conscience wouldn’t really let me live knowing I let you go home on your own.”  
Are those… Are those tears forming? Is he crying? Why is Gulf crying? He was soon growing worried with how the younger man was acting.  
“C’mon. It’ll be dark soon and traffic jam will be too heavy.”  
He tried to make Gulf look at him but the younger was still staying still, his head still held low.  
“N-No.”  
He heard Gulf say in a whisper. Any loud noise and he could’ve had missed it.  
“Huh? What do you mean no? The staff have left and it’s only the two of us now. We have to get going.”  
He can visibly see the younger man shiver. Is he cold?  
“I can go home by myself. Let’s just see each other on the next schedule.”  
The words stung; it hurt him that Gulf was saying this. But he couldn’t understand why the younger man was saying this.  
“What do you mean? Are you okay? I’m confused with what’s going on.”  
With some might he tried to make younger man look at him  
“Why are you crying? Is everything okay?”  
What he saw took the air out of his lungs. He couldn’t understand why Gulf is crying like this. It hurt him to see his eyes red because of tears.  
“I wish I have never met you!”  
The words stung as he felt the other man push him away.  
“What’s happening Gulf? Why are you saying this? I don’t understand!”  
Gulf broke free from his hold. He was ready for rejection but why does it have hurt like this?  
“That’s it! You don’t understand and you never will. So stop acting like you care and leave me alone!”  
The words slapped hard him in the face.  
“What do you mean? Of course I care! Tell me me what happened. Tell me so I can understand better.”  
He said even though he knew it will hurt him if it comes from him. But he has to be the bigger person in this, he has decided.  
“And what for Mew? What for? Will it change the way things are?”  
He didn’t want anything to change but he couldn’t admit that out loud.  
“Change what Gulf? I thought we’re perfectly okay.”  
He wanted to be honest and say what he truly felt.  
“Yeah you’re right. We’re perfectly okay. You’re right. We are just close friends. It was me who’s wrong for thinking something else.”  
Realisation hit him. Did the other man really wanted him to say that he indeed love him? And what to ruin his chances? Ruin the future he has yet to experience? He was not doing that not now, not ever.  
“What would you have wanted me to say? What would you have wanted to hear from me?”  
He watched in confusion and hurt as the younger man laughed at his response. He knew it. Of course Gulf will never think of him that way.  
“I never really thought it will hurt like this. If I only I knew you will hurt me like this, I would’ve stayed far from you.”  
He could feel his chest constrict from the pain he was feeling. It hurt to personally hear the rejection but he was prepared for this.  
“Loving you was the most hurtful thing I had to experience. I’m sorry that I loved you. But I’m more sorry for myself for being so hurt like this.”  
He was ready for the rejection… He was ready for it that he couldn’t believe the words the other man just said.  
He loves me?  
“If only I knew that loving you was this painful I wish I hadn’t love you instead.”  
He loves me.  
Realisation dawned on him but it was too late. He was too late.  
“Wait!”  
Gulf was already running away from him that he couldn’t even say… he couldn’t even save him.  
He couldn’t even say that he loves him too.


End file.
